Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
