I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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