1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
