I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
