I'm lost and stupid without you.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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