Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
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