Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Randomize
