He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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