i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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