I wish I could punch you in the face.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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