Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Randomize
