I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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