My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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