everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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