you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
