Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
