my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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