Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
