he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
