Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
