She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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