3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
false alarm, still single
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
