He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
