I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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