dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
He has the fingertips of a God
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