I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
