I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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