dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I seem to have left my pride at pride
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
