He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
