i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
