Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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