It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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