We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
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