New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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