When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
