Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
