Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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