Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
