Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize