tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
