don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
