angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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