I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
