We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
