yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
