We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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