also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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