we have officially lost it.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You are the jesus of drinking
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
