I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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