It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
