Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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