You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Randomize
