the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
