At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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