Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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