i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
How naked do you want me to be?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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