We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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