Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm drive I can fine osifer
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Randomize
