Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
How's work?
Spinning.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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